Ernie's Underground Café

What's on the menu down here? I've taken over the Leaf & Loam café now that my dad is retiring after a lifetime of helping to feed our community here in Loam Hollow. I'm keeping the best old family favorites, like Loamy Layered Lasagna, and I'm going to add some creative plates that our more adventurous patrons might be tempted by. Maybe I've been bingeing on too much Emeril Lagrasseroots and Rachael Clay, but it feels like it's time to add some new things. How do you like my new menu? I think I have something to please everyone down here. What would tempt you?

Appetizers

Bacterial Bruschetta

Select wood fibers blended and aged, topped with a lively culture of beneficial bacteria.

A favorite among protozoa.

Earth & Organics Sampler

A textural mouth-watering and eye-pleasing selection of finest local castings, silky silt, and delicately layered leaf mold from the finest native trees.

For those who appreciate terroir.

Main Dishes

Loamy Layered Lasagna

A classic arrangement of oak and maple leaf molds with generous layers of castings and fully aged compost, topped with a fungal rich toasted topping.

An Earthworm family favorite since 1954.

Forest Floor-cured Hickory

Slow aged hickory log, prepared on a deep bed of loamy soil.

A melt-in-mouth traditional dish beloved by beetles.

Desserts

Subterranean Sorbet

A creamy sweet and tart blend of locally sourced root sugars and select minerals.

Sure to please the palate of discerning mycorrhizal fungi.

Meadow-harvest Pudding

A hearty seed pudding generously infused with honeydew. Made with select ingredients imported by ants, for ants.

A classic Myrmecine sweet dish.

My dad comes around with his old crew and pretends to critique the menu. Then he orders the Loamy Lasagna — same as always. There are new faces in town, business is good, and nobody's going hungry on my watch.